7 years ago, when I started seminary, I was SO MAD at Jesus, I didn’t
even want to relate to him. When we were asked to spiritually work with
him, learn from him, ask him to assist us, etc – I worked with someone
else on the spiritual level, because on a deep level, I really didn’t
want to have anything to do with Jesus.
(I should say that within a year or so, that had completely changed. It
took some investment in our relationship, and allowing God to heal me
in a myriad of ways, but I am grateful to report that for a long time
now, I have an ever-deepening, respectful, playful & loving
relationship with Jesus, and we work Really well together!! I can’t say
enough about how amazing he is ; )
But, back then, for many years, I was very mad at Jesus. And, worse,
the reasons I was angry had absolutely nothing to do with him. It was
all to do with my relationship to Jesus’ followers... Christians.
I couldn’t stand how ‘Christians’ were (in many public ways) behaving in the world, and I blamed Jesus.
More importantly, I was really hurt and angry about how I had been treated by many Christians, and I blamed Jesus.
Since my late teens, I did my best to follow where God led me. God led
me to do and be and believe in many ways that are generally unpopular
for Christians. So I ‘took a lot of crap’ from Christians. I gave
some back, too ; )
• Part of this was just my path, I had to follow my path, and it was
off the ‘beaten-track’. I had to be willing to do God’s will, whether
it was popular or unpopular, whether it was in alignment with what I,
and Christians in general, thought I ‘Should Be,' or not.
• Part of this was, I had to be re-trained. There are things that
most Christians just know to be true: certain ways of speaking, being,
understanding spirituality, God and the bible, relating to the world,
etc. In the United States there is a generally Christian way-of-being.
It has different flavors and variations, but although we fight like the
siblings we are, we hold most things in a common ‘world-view’ in the
Christian family. God pulled me apart from the 'herd' so I could get
un-habituated to this Christian world-view and way-of-being. So I could
see the habits more clearly. And mostly so I could drop them,
un-habituate from Christianity, and instead habituate to following my
unique path in God.
• Part of this was, I had to let go of being validated by Christians.
I had to learn to be inner-directed, not outer-directed. I had to
learn to listen and follow the ways of God and not be compulsively
trying to fit-in, or obsessively needing validation from Christians. I
had to learn to let their rejection and judgment pass through my space
without “taking me off my game.” I had to learn to let my joy be full,
‘outside the camp.’
Through all this I made ‘friends’ and ‘enemies.’ I have ‘fixed’ and
‘broken’ (repeat) relationships and structures – both inside and outside
the Christian 'camp'. Mostly, it has been the experience of going
through amazing and endless cycles of feeling ‘fixed’ and ‘broken’ –
sometimes both at the same time! All this was often hard and painful,
although the fruit is very sweet. And of course this all is still in
progress... I'm Not ‘baked’ yet, not nearly!
Meanwhile, after decades of being chased from the Christian 'camp' by
God, and feeling like a square peg in a round hole (at best) with many
Christians, there is a sea-change happening. I feel drawn back deeper
into the Christian 'camp'.
I don’t know for how long? I don’t know how it will go? I am excited
and afraid, hopeful and cautious. I guess no matter what, it will be a
learning/growing experience!
Monday, September 7, 2009
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Does 'service' = spirituality?
A friend wrote me about the centrality of SERVICE in the spiritual life,
with the idea that the Ascended Masters did it, and we should too...
I believe service into the world occurs as fruit of our life as spirit in this world, and it comes in it season. But, it should not be an end in itself, or even necessarily a means to a spiritual end, unless we are actively led in our unique spiritual path, to a particular service in a a specific space/time.
So, I wrote her to say:
If I try to think about the Master's priorities and how they serve, I could write a whole book.
But, keeping it simple is Key.
When I asked what Master's look like, what they all have in common, I saw a picture that looks like:
Being one with the Light,
like being in a waterfall of light, very bright.
Aligned with Source, as well as grounded in the physical world.
From my perspective, how that occurs in the physical,
is completely unique manifestation, focus and energies for each Master– as it is for each of us!
And of course they share things in common.
On a spiritual level, I see how it manifests; it spiritually looks like clouds, or waves, billowing out from the Master, in all directions (when the waterfall hits bottom it plumes out...).
From my perspective, it is the energy billowing out that is the service the Master offers in this world,
Not any particular way it looks on the physical…
On the physical - Peach trees make peaches, plum tress make plums.
They just do it, no effort, no shoulds, no agenda, no try.
It is like falling off a log – and there is fruit ; )
My friend responded, in support of her focus that service is spirituality:
Jesus, from my perspective, did a whole lot of NONE of that for ~ 30 years.
Three decades is a Very Long Time.
He was Jesus the Christ and he did relatively nothing of note for ~10/11ths of his whole entire human life!
I believe out of (from, because of) his quiet, non-obviously miraculous/healing/serving/inspirational/freedom-producing/demon-casting/etc 30 years, he was ready for public ministry.
Before that, not-so-much…
He did his work, deepened in himself and in the Father, increased in Knowledge and Power, etc.
He was centered in who he was and what God had him to do.
Then and only then did he go out to serve… as he was led/called to do, not just any ol' thing!
Even then, in the last ~ 3 years of his life, he was constantly moving away from the crowds. He consistently sought out the quiet, if he had to at night, to be with the Father, to do his spiritual work – or else he couldn’t have done what he did.
Great fruit. Amazing fruit. Fruit comes in its season, not before.
with the idea that the Ascended Masters did it, and we should too...
I believe service into the world occurs as fruit of our life as spirit in this world, and it comes in it season. But, it should not be an end in itself, or even necessarily a means to a spiritual end, unless we are actively led in our unique spiritual path, to a particular service in a a specific space/time.
So, I wrote her to say:
If I try to think about the Master's priorities and how they serve, I could write a whole book.
But, keeping it simple is Key.
When I asked what Master's look like, what they all have in common, I saw a picture that looks like:
Being one with the Light,
like being in a waterfall of light, very bright.
Aligned with Source, as well as grounded in the physical world.
From my perspective, how that occurs in the physical,
is completely unique manifestation, focus and energies for each Master– as it is for each of us!
And of course they share things in common.
On a spiritual level, I see how it manifests; it spiritually looks like clouds, or waves, billowing out from the Master, in all directions (when the waterfall hits bottom it plumes out...).
From my perspective, it is the energy billowing out that is the service the Master offers in this world,
Not any particular way it looks on the physical…
On the physical - Peach trees make peaches, plum tress make plums.
They just do it, no effort, no shoulds, no agenda, no try.
It is like falling off a log – and there is fruit ; )
My friend responded, in support of her focus that service is spirituality:
Christ taught, he spoke, he did miracles. In teaching he filled the hearts of many. In speaking he brought hope to many. In performing miracles he was an example of breaking the shackles of this world to many. But it was in his actions with the poor, the sick, the helpless and the discarded ... did he show the many.My response: yes, and...
Jesus, from my perspective, did a whole lot of NONE of that for ~ 30 years.
Three decades is a Very Long Time.
He was Jesus the Christ and he did relatively nothing of note for ~10/11ths of his whole entire human life!
I believe out of (from, because of) his quiet, non-obviously miraculous/healing/serving/inspirational/freedom-producing/demon-casting/etc 30 years, he was ready for public ministry.
Before that, not-so-much…
He did his work, deepened in himself and in the Father, increased in Knowledge and Power, etc.
He was centered in who he was and what God had him to do.
Then and only then did he go out to serve… as he was led/called to do, not just any ol' thing!
Even then, in the last ~ 3 years of his life, he was constantly moving away from the crowds. He consistently sought out the quiet, if he had to at night, to be with the Father, to do his spiritual work – or else he couldn’t have done what he did.
Great fruit. Amazing fruit. Fruit comes in its season, not before.
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